DEAR ABBY: I love to travel, yet I loathe traveling with my husband. He gets anxious and extremely mean on the days leading up to the trip and especially while en route. I do all the planning and pay for everything, and I regard it as not only ungrateful and rude, but unnecessary. Is it wrong for me to not want him to come on the next big trip I plan?
Also, while we travel, all he wants to do is sleep, eat and drink. I’m all about taking in the local culture and making sure to not miss anything. I also enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, but I don’t want to drink into oblivion, and I’m definitely not up for sleeping my vacation away. My husband does have a drinking problem as well (a topic for another letter).
Before I booked our last trip, I begged him to please not ruin it (our children were with us), and he promised to be on his best behavior. That lasted until the day before we left. Then it was like the mean switch flipped on. Before we even left for the airport, all he did was yell and complain about the airline, parking, packing, etc. I’m at my wits’ end. The one time I did travel alone, he told the kids I didn’t like any of them and that’s why I went alone. He refuses counseling and seems to not understand why I don’t want to be around him. He also “spares no expense” on my dime when we are on vacation. He acts as if we are loaded. Help! — UNHAPPY TRAVELER
DEAR TRAVELER: Traveling is stressful, and some people don’t handle it well. Your alcoholic husband appears to be one of them. If you want to enjoy your travel experience, consider taking another vacation trip without him. Include the children, if they are old enough to appreciate the exposure they are being given, and always assure them that you love them without measure. If you leave your husband at home, you and your children may enjoy the experience more than if you drag him along.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
